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MEDIA ROOM • Articles
Bottom Line/Personal interviewed Stephany-
A. Crowley, Quebec-based founder of e-datingexperts.com, a
free Web site offering advice about
on-line dating. She is author of the forthcoming e-datingSecretsT:
How to Search for Your Perfect Love Match on the Internet
(available from the author).
To Meet the Love of Your Life All You
Need Is a Computer
Stephany A. Crowley
e-datingexperts.com
Once derided as a desperate option, Internet dating sites
have entered the mainstream. At least 50 million people are
surfing for love on-line. More than 20% of the visitors to
dating sites are age 50 or older. Posting an on-line profile
at a major dating Web site can get you noticed by thousands
of potential matches, more people than you would meet in a
year of parties. It requires no more computer savvy than knowing
how to send E-mail.
FIRST STEPS
Visit popular dating sites. Most allow nonmembers to browse
listings for free. At each one, do a quick search for potential
dates based on a few criteria, such as age and location, and
see how many members pop up. If it's fewer than 100, think
twice about subscribing. Also, see how the site "feels" to
you. Does it seem too flash, too young, too old? Once you've
decided on the sites you like, post a profile on tow of them
- a major site with millions of members and a specialty site
geared to your age group, religion, or ethnic group.
TOP DATING SITES
Americansingles.com
Provides 24-hour customer service through a toll-free number
- a rarity among Internet firms. It offers help creating a
profile, posting photos, etc. 10 million members. $24.95/month.*
Date.com
Stays in contact with member by E-mail and an E-newsletter
full of advice and stories. Two million members. $24.95/month.
Match.com
Has absorbed AOL's dating service, Love@AOL.com which is popular
with people over age 50. This makes Match.com a promising
choice for older daters. Eight million members. $24.95/month.
Yahoo! Personals (www.personals.yahoo.com)
Is another sophisticated, easy-to-navigate site. Yahoo! doesn't'
release membership totals, but it is probably one of the largest
services. $19.95/month
SPECIALTY SITES
ThirdAgeConnections.com
Is a fun, easy-to-use dating site aimed at people in theirs
40s, 50s, and 60s who are dating again or looking for partners
to share activities. 1.5 million members. $20/month.
Senior FriendFinder.com
May be the largest senior match site. Though mainly a dating
site, some members join to find friends with whom to travel
or share hobbies. 750,000 members. $21.99/three months.
Christiandates.com
Combined the oldest off-line Christian dating service with
the largest on-line one. $29/month.
Jdate.com
Is a Jewish singles site with more than 500,000 members. $28.50/month.
GETTING NOTICED
Here's how to put your best foot forward when you post a
listing.
Start with an intriguing headline
one that portrays an appealing image of you as a partner.
Examples: "Long arms to embrace you". "Whispering
lightly in your ear"."Laughing through life. Ready for a chuckle?"."I'm
a detective, pique my curiosity."
Reveal your personality. Don't
make write a personal ad - "Single white male, 45, seeks."
You'll attract more interest if your profile has personality.
Don't just say your witty, be witty.
Examples: "People tell me I make them laugh. I'm
pleased to add that most of the time when they say this, I've
been trying to make them laugh."
Avoid over or underselling yourself.
You'll turn off potential partners if you come off as a braggart.
Go too far the other way, and readers will find you unappealing.
Aim for upbeat but honest. Ask a friend or family member if
your profile accurately reflects you.
Be specific about what you want.
Your goal is to get readers to blurt out, "I want that, too!"
Example: "I'm looking for someone I can travel a
lifetime with and then curl up with in front of a roaring
fire."
Never say what you don't want in
a partner. You will seem negative. Instead, express
your desires positively.
Example: Replace "I don't want a clingy partner"
with "I want a relationship in which we can each explore our
own interests."
Include a trivia question.
People find it hard to resist responding to a question when
they know the answer.
Example: If you're a movie fan, end your profile
with a line from a favorite film, followed by "extra points
if you can identify this quote."
Update your profile every few days.
On most sites, new or newly updated profiles appear at the
top of the list when members search for potential matches.
Post a mini-photo album. You
can get 10 times more responses if you include pictures of
yourself. Have photos taken of you in your favorite places,
doing things that reflect what's important to you. If you
don't have a digital camera, use a regular camera and have
a photo shop put the pictures on a CD-ROM in "jpg" format.
Some sites even let you mail in photos, which they'll scan
and put on-line for you. Make sure the photos are recent.
If they no longer look like you, your match may be disappointed
when you first meet.
INTERNET ETIQUETTE
Don't expect too much too soon.
Most E-daters exchange several long get-to-know-you E-mails
before meeting. The first date should be short - coffee or
a drink in a public place.
Compliment and be curious.
In your first E-mail abut details from a potential partner's
profile. It shows that you are attracted to more than the
photo and helps draw out the prospective match. Convincing
the person that you will like him/her is even more important
than convincing him that you're what he is after. More than
anything else, dates want to be wanted.
Expect to be asked very personal questions.
It's common in second and third E-mails to ask probing questions
about each other's backgrounds, careers and families.
Do some checking. Most on-line
daters are honest about themselves, but it doesn't hurt to
check.
Example: If a prospective match mentions a place
of employment, call the company to see if he works there.
*Most sites offer a discount for multiple-month
subscriptions.
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